Becoming a Good Muslim Husband Part 1.

Becoming a Good Muslim Husband Part 1. 

Being a good spouse is important in any marriage. Marriage should be a complete partnership where two people who join together should always aim to give, and not take - and strive to always better themselves for their other half.

Prophet Muhammad ( ﺻﻠﻲ ﺍﻟﻠﻪ ﻋﻠﻴﻪ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ ) said, “the best amongst you are the ones who are best to their wives.” So dear Muslim brother! Your obligations towards your wife are not limited to earning money and supporting her financially. A wife needs love from her husband, and emotional support too!

Always emulate the behavior of the Prophet Muhammad [ ﺻﻠﯽ ﺍﻟﻠﮧ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ ] with his wives:

Allah says in the Qur'an: "You have indeed in the Messenger of Allah, a beautiful example (of conduct) for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Final Day, and who remembers Allah much." [Qur'an - 33:21]
The Prophet Muhammad [ ﺻﻠﯽ ﺍﻟﻠﮧ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ ] overlooked his wives' shortcomings, and tolerated their unreasonable behavior. The books of ahadith are replete with examples of how he ignored what he did not like about their actions, with a smile and patient silence.

Once, when he became very angry with all of them, he left their company and resolved not to talk to them for a month.
Instead of shouting or verbally reprimanding your wife for every mistake, just ignore her. If she is fighting with you or being unreasonable, you can always leave the room and not answer back, which is the best strategy. When you will ignore her for some time, she will willingly relinquish the behavior which angered you.

Treat her with respect, especially during intimacy :

Sexual gratification is the foremost reason why men get married, and they make serious mistakes right in the beginning, which cause the greatest blows to their marital relationship. Muslim men should fear Allah regarding how they handle their wives during intimacy.
Narrated Jabir Bin Abdullah [may Allah be pleased with him], "The Prophet [ ﺻﻠﯽ ﺍﻟﻠﮧ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ ] did not allow sexual intercourse before fondling (the wife)." [ Abu Dawood ]
It is a sad fact that nowadays, when a man gets married, he has already seen a lot of porn or sexually graphic movie scenes, courtesy the different forms of media available to him to satisfy his curiosity, which poison his mind about how to treat a woman, much before he actually brings home a wife.

O Muslim Brother! That innocent girl you bring home has no affinity to that sultry siren you've watched on TV - she's vulnerable, innocent and scared. So be gentle and get her to relax, and don't cause any irreparable damage by being hasty. In Islam, a woman is a jewel -- a gem, which should be taken care of and treated with dignity and respect.
Imam al-Daylami [may Allah be merciful on him] records a narration on the authority of Anas ibn Malik [may Allah be pleased with him] that the Messenger of Allah [ ﺻﻠﯽ ﺍﻟﻠﮧ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ ] is reported to have said: "One of you should not fulfill one's (sexual) need from one's wife like an animal, rather there should be, between them, foreplay of kissing and words."
[Musnad Al-Firdaws of Al-Daylami , 2/55]
The good Muslim husband should, therefore, forget the marketing policies of Hugh Hefner's multimillion-dollar, testosterone-driven industry and focus on the advice of Prophet Muhammad [ ﺻﻠﯽ ﺍﻟﻠﮧ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ ]. Movies and romance novels are not the sources from which you should be drawing instructions for intimacy. Also, you as a Muslim should learn to respect women in general, before you get married.

Remember that when a prostitute came to ask Allah's Messenger [ ﺻﻠﯽ ﺍﻟﻠﮧ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ ] for monetary help, he helped her and did not treat her disrespectfully. What about you? Have there been times when you have seen or met a woman who tempted you, and you thought: "slut", or "whore"? Have you ever verbally or mentally used abusive words, such as "bitch", for any woman? Do you believe, due to your cultural baggage, that women are inherently evil; that Eve tempted Adam to eat the forbidden fruit, that women should be locked up inside the house because they lead men astray when they go out? Do you believe that women are inferior to men? Do you believe that women are the basic cause of the prevalence of decadence and sin? Do you shout at your mother and sister for not serving you your food or coffee when you ask for it? If so, you really need to change your thinking and attitude towards women before you enter marriage, because a man, who has truly grasped the essence of Islamic teachings regarding the kind treatment of women, will never, ever answer the above questions in the affirmative. And if he does, it is highly likely that he will disrespect his wife, and not be able to keep her happy.

Maintain personal grooming and hygiene:

 Once every two weeks, trim, shave or clip anything that grows on your body. Keep your hair and beard washed and combed -- smelling and looking clean.
Use the siwak (tooth-stick), floss, toothpaste, mouth-spray or mouthwash to maintain oral hygiene. Shower daily and use deodorantsor other strong fragrance to smell good at home, not just at the Jum'uah or Eid congregation.
Remember that doing all this is the sunnah (way) of the Prophet Muhammad [ ﺻﻠﯽ ﺍﻟﻠﮧ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ ], who abhorred any kind of body odour (mouth, armpit or foot) emanating from himself. Wear the colors and clothing styles that your wife prefers, if Islam permits them.

Your wife is a consultant, not a personal valet or slave :

The foremost quality which Muslim men desire in a wife, after beauty and physical attractiveness, is that she be obedient and servile, and that she do their chores without being told e.g. ironing their clothes, cooking their meals, or doing the laundry.
However, it is a fact that there is a difference of opinion among Islamic scholars regarding whether it is obligatory or preferred ( mustahab ) for a wife to serve her husband. Majority declare it to be praiseworthy but not obligatory, even though most Muslim women happily do their household work themselves, without being asked.

The Prophet Muhammad [ ﺻﻠﯽ ﺍﻟﻠﮧ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ ] did his personal chores himself, and we do not know of any ahadith in which his wives were known to serve him elaborately. Therefore, the good Muslim husband truly appreciates the work his wife does around the house. If she forgets something, he overlooks it and remains silent. He also consults her in important matters before making the final decision e.g. naming their children, changing his job, making an investment, going on a trip, having his family members move in, or in even small matters such as what she'd like to order for herself when they eat out at a restaurant. He never overlooks her say in these matters.

Take care of her during her pregnancy and breastfeeding :

Unmarried men usually have no idea of the tremendous physical pain that Allah has decreed for the daughters of Adam. They find this out after marriage, when they witness their wife going through monthly cramps, or the rigors of pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding. If nothing more, it should increase their respect for women in general.
However, some married Muslim men stay out late at night with friends, at clubs, restaurants, games or the movies, while their pregnant or newly-mother wife stays at home with the baby. They hand over the responsibility of taking care of her to their mothers or sisters. This behavior is inappropriate, and it will cause hatred to develop in the wife's heart.
The good Muslim husband offers extra moral and physical support to his wife during these difficult phases in her life. Don't feel your manly ego busted if you have to give the baby its bottle or pacify it, while your wife attends to an older child or her own genuine needs. The Muslim husband is a doting and hands-on father; and this attribute makes his wife love him even more!

Help her out in the household work :

Occasionally washing the dishes, vacuuming the carpets, making your own breakfast or tea (especially if your wife is asleep or not well), or cooking a simple meal will raise your status in your wife's eyes and increase love for you in her heart.
Contrary to what Asian culture dictates, a man doesn't become effeminate by doing household chores. He, in fact, becomes more manly and attractive to his spouse.
It goes without saying that chores such as getting groceries on the weekend, taking your wife to her doctor, fixing the faucet or mowing the lawn should also be taken care of by you.